A Father's Worst Fear
by Crusher66
Summary: Roy wants nothing more to protect his children, but what happens when one of his children makes his worst fear a reality.
1. Chapter 1 Stubborn

A FATHER'S WORST FEAR

Just to throw this in here. I don't own any of the characters and I'm not making a profit. Now on to the good stuff...

It was nearly midnight when Chris stood outside of Roy's den debating whether or not to knock. Chris's father recently took up his time going over safety procedure manuals in his den after one of his firefighters was killed when a roof collapsed. Being station 51 shift C captain had left Roy with a feeling of insurmountable guilt. It brought about the new rule that Joanne created, which was "Don't bother your father when he's in the den."

Chris sucked in the air and then knocked. He stood out for an eternity. "I'll be up in a few minutes honey." Chris slowly opened the door up and stuck his head in the crack. Roy turned and forced a smile. "Shouldn't you be going to bed. You have class tomorrow."

"Dad, can we talk." Roy's heart started to race. It was never good when a son says can we talk. As a senior in high school, teenagers try to avoid their parents, especially because at eighteen years old, they know everything.

"Yes, son. What's on your mind?" Roy closed the manual up and gave his son his full attention. Chris walked into the den, shutting the door behind him. He sat on the corner of the desk looking out the window, trying to find the right words.

"I've been thinking about what I want to do after high school." He sighed. "I want to become a paramedic." He could feel his father's disapproving stare boring through his back. He paused. "I've heard stories of you and Uncle Johnny. Saving lives. I want to help people, dad."

Roy took a moment to collect his thoughts. He kept thinking about the close calls John had with a car running him down, the snakebite, numerous burns, and broken bones. Then he thought about Roger Whitney. The warehouse roof collapsing on his body. A broken back and a punctured lung. It was a slow painful death, but they didn't have enough time to get to him. Roger didn't even live long enough to serve his probationary year. "Son, I'm proud that you want to help people, but there are other ways. Look at Uncle Kel. He saves lives in the hospital. It's less dangerous. And better pay." Roy forced a chuckle. "You have straight As. I know you can be a great doctor. I just don't want you to get hurt and I really don't want you being a firefighter-paramedic. I don't want you to end up...I just wish you wouldn't." He looked down at the safety manual with a tear sliding down his cheek. He was remembering the funeral of his firefighter and then he pictured his son lying in the coffin.

Chris knew what Roy wanted to say. He didn't want Chris to end up dead like Roger Whitney. Chris realized at that moment, that he couldn't become a firefighter/paramedic, it would kill Roy with constant worry for his son. However, he still wanted to save lives and maybe being a doctor would fulfill that need. "Do you think I could volunteer around the hospital then?" Chris turned to face his dad with a smile on his face.

Roy sighed with relief. "We can check into it, tomorrow after school. Now, it's time you go to bed! Good night, son."

"Night dad." Chris got up from the desk and left the den. He went upstairs to finally go to bed.

Chris walked down the hall until he passed his sister's bed room. "What'd dad tell you?" Jen asked from her bed.

Chris stepped inside Jenny's bedroom. Jen reached over to turn on the light on her night stand while her brother took a seat at the desk. "I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, it's only been three months since Roger died in that warehouse fire. Dad, would be too worried about me. I can't do that to him."

"So, what are you going to do now?"

"I'll probably apply to UCLA for pre-med. Uncle Kel would probably give me a recommendation. And I'm going to check out some volunteer opportunities at the hospital."

"I can't believe dad talked you out of it. Are you sure you really want to be a doctor? I mean, you seemed really excited about being a firefighter. You got to make yourself happy." Chris just smiled. His little sister was stubborn and hard-headed.

"You'll understand my decision when you get older. Fourteen is too young." She rolled her eyes. Chris was going off again about how he knew more because of age.

FOUR YEARS LATER

"Honey, can you go to the store and pick up a few groceries." Joanne handed her daughter, Jennifer, a slip of paper with the list of groceries she would need for the picnic/barbeque that night.

"Chris!" Jennifer called yelled out. Joanne gave her the 'be quiet' look. Roy's crew had responded to three fires during the night and he was now sleeping. Jennifer walked out towards the living room where her brother was lounging on the couch watching MASH reruns on the television. "Chris, do you want to go grocery shopping with me?" He was about to say no when he saw his mother pull out the vacuum. He knew he could go shopping or help clean. "We can get some ice cream." She hoped that that would persuade him to go and signal to him that they needed to talk.

"Alright, but you're buying." He got to his feet and put on his tennis shoes, which were laying by the door. He grabbed his car keys off the hook. "Bye, Mom" He slammed the door. Joanne sighed and shook her head. Her kids would never learn even after all these years.

"Sorry, mom. I think Chris is just excited about ice cream." Jennifer put her shoes on and grabbed her purse. She gently closed the door behind her.

Jennifer power walked to the the running car. She couldn't wait to get to the ice cream parlor to tell her big brother her news. She opened up the door to the blue Monte Carlo and instantly threw the trash on her seat into the backseat. She sat down and slammed her door.

"Careful the car is an antique. So, what do you have to tell me? Is it good or bad?" He asked. He remembered all the information that had been passed along with a trip to the ice cream parlor. When their dad or uncle Johnny got hurt, it was the first place Joanne took them. Chris first discussed applying for the fire academy with his sister there. And she spent the next time trying to make sure he was making the right decision about ditching the dream to be a doctor.

"It's um...good...and...um...bad. I guess." She sat there is quiet deciding if she should tell him in the car or not. He continued to ask her questions while she sat there ignoring him. She was trying to find the right words to give him the ambiguous news.

She wasn't even aware of that they finally made it to the ice cream parlor until Chris slammed his door shut. She got out and slowly walked towards the door that Chris held open for her. She went up to the counter and ordered herself a vanilla ice cream while he got a banana split with all the works. She paid for their ice creams and they sat in the back corner.

"So?" Chris asked, with the spoon hanging out of his mouth.

"You know how dad didn't want you to be a firefighter. Afraid you'd get hurt." He nodded. He remembered the conversation all too well. Chris had finished his nursing and pre-med undergraduate degree and was going to be starting his first year in medical school. If he had not listened to his father he would be a paramedic or maybe promoted to an engineer or dead like Roger Whitney. He tried to block that thought out of his mind. "So, I applied for the academy. I passed my physical and I'll be starting classes next week." He started chocking on his cherry. He settled after a couple of coughs. "I don't want dad to know. He thinks I'm going to be getting a head start this summer on my college classes."

"Don't you think someone will tell him. 'Hey there's this girl with your last name in the academy.' Or he gets a call from Uncle Kel saying, 'Jenny's been hurt in a fire.' Or you get assigned in Uncle Hank, Marco, Chet, Mike, or Johnny's station."

"Chris, what if I don't make it through the academy? I know it's going to be tough. Or he tries to talk me out of it. Chris, this is something I want to do. This is something I have to do."

"Jen." He couldn't argue with her. He could see the look of determination in her eyes. And he knew all to well the guilt trip his dad would lay on her, just like Roy did to him. They both let out a sigh at the same time. "Good luck. And if you need help or to talk to, I'm here. Just don't get hurt okay. I don't want to see you at Rampart."

"I promise I'll try to stay away from Rampart." She smiled and they ate the rest of their ice cream with random chit-chat of Chris's summer job as an orderly at Rampart and of the fire academy. They finished their ice cream in silence, neither one of them knew what to say. After they were done eating, they picked up the groceries for the picnic.

I would really appreciate it if you could spend a couple of seconds typing up a quick review ;)


	2. Chapter 2 I Can

It was a great day for a barbecue. It was 100 degrees, but it was a dry heat. The whole extended family was going to be in attendance including Battalion Chief Stanley, Captain John Gage, Engineers Chet Kelly and Mike Stoker, and firefighter Marco Lopez and other firefighters from Station 51 who weren't on shift. The clan from Rampart General was also in attendance.

Dixie, Jen, and Joanne were busy in the kitchen preparing the salad, cut fruit, and desserts while Roy was out grilling and talking to Brackett, Early, Hank, and Morton who all deemed themselves too old to play pick up football with the other guys. The ladies brought out the food and placed in on the large picnic table while Roy took off the hamburgers and hotdogs. "Hey guys. Foods ready!" Roy called out.

Chris and John quit football so that they could pig out on the heavenly taste of chargrilled burgers and Joanne's famous potato salad. The group sat at the table and ate while most of the firefighters were still playing football.

"So, Cap...er Chief, When's the next class starting up?" Roy asked. After ten years you would have thought that Roy would be able to remember that Hank Stanley was Station 51's Battalion Chief 7, not Roy's captain anymore.

"Next week. It should be exciting, although I must admit, I'm a little nervous about the girls in the academy. I can't treat them differently but I don't want to see them hurt. But I guess it was going to happen eventually that women would join the ranks. But I hear Cindy's doing well. She became a paramedic." Hank Stanley said. Cindy was the first female firefighter and a six year veteran of the department. Jen couldn't take her eyes off of her Uncle Hank.

"I still can't believe McConnike recommended you as head cadre for the class. Especially after you torched his hat!" John, Roy, and Hank started to laugh about that. He remembered the constant fear that McConnike was able to put in Hank, especially when Hank was going ot first take the chief's exam.

Jen started coughing on her hamburger as it went down the wrong way. She coughed a few times and then settled down. She took a big gulp of her Pepsi. Everyone, but her brother, thought she had laughed and choked. But it was the fact that her Uncle Hank was going to be a part of the cadre. Out of the hundreds of LA county firefighters, Hank Stanley had to be the one to head up the academy!

"You okay honey." Roy asked Jen could couldn't talk with the lump in her throat, so she only nodded. Chris stared at her while the others continued to talk about the academy and their personal lives. Jen didn't hear any of it. She was too focused on the fact that keeping this secret from her father just became more difficult.

Jen couldn't finish her food. She played with her mom's potato salad, trying to make it look as though she ate some, but she had lost her appetite. No one noticed because everyone was too busy talking. But Chris noticed and he couldn't wait until night when he could talk to his sister.

After Chris was finished eating he decided to play some more football. "Come on, sis. Let's see what you're made of!" Jen slowly got up and walked with Chris over to the guys. "Are you goin gto tell dad now? He's going to find out!" Chris said low and out of earshot of everyone but his sister.

"I can't tell him now. Hey, dad, day after tomorrow I'm going to the academy not summer classes like I said." I'm just going to hope that Uncle Hank doesn't say something.

"I told you to tell him the truth before! And now you want Uncle Hank to cover for you. Think of the spot your putting him in! What if you get hurt? How are you going to explain that to dad. I got smoke inhalation or heat exhaustion from my English class!"

Jen couldn't say anything because she realized her brother was right and she hated to admit that. She couldn't turn back now though and she'd be damned if she told her father about the fire academy until after she graduated. She knew that she could be talked out of it because she honestly did not want to hurt her father. She walked behind Chris when they met up with the rest of the guys playing football.

The guys were arguing over who got Chris and who got Jen. They all wanted Chris, but it was Chet, Marco, and Mike who rallied for Jen. The guys didn't really know how to respond to this intruder, but her uncles would get her involved. She covered Chris, who ended up scoring a touch down and her team started to groan. She heard a comment by a younger guy about a "girl can't play football." And she realized are they going to be saying the same thing if she became a firefighter. She decided she had to step up and put on her A game.

Chet instructed her to run down field for a pass. She made the catch and juked around her brother. He turned and tried to catch up to her. He was faster until he was stopped with a stiff arm by his sister. She ran it for a touchdown. He came over and gave her a pat on the shoulder. She looked up at him. "I can do this," she said defiantly. Chris wasn't sure if she was talking about playing football or dealing with the guys' idea of a woman doing a man's job. She walked back to her teammates. The only ones who congratulated her was her Marco, Chet, and Mike. The others ignored her accomplishment.

A quick little thumbs up or down would be appreciated ;) I'm going to try to post as much as I can but between college papers and finals coming up, work, and playing football, I can only do so much! Hopefully more will be posted with away trips. Writing is a good way to spend 8 hours round trip on a bus!


	3. Chapter 3 The First Day

The Academy

A loud obnoxious sound invaded Jenny's dreams. She reached over and slammed her hand down on the alarm. Five in the morning was just too early, but she had to get up. She showered and changed into her business apparel consisting of black slacks and a red blouse. The letter said to wear business casual clothes for orientation day. She also had to put her hair into a bun so it would not touch her collar.

After checking herself in the mirror, she went back to her bedroom. She put her pillow in her blankets to make it look like she was still sleeping. She knew her father checked in on her occasionally before he left for work. She grabbed her book bag, which was loaded up with all her books and manuals, from her chair. She took a quick stop in the kitchen to get an apple before getting into her car.

She threw her bags into the back seat and quietly shut the door. Then she hopped into the front seat. She turned on the radio and left. She spent the entire drive singing and tapping to 80's music on the radio.

It was a little before six o'clock when she left the house and it was 06:30 when she arrived at the LA county fire academy. Orientation was to start at 7:00. There were several people who already showed up and were milling around the lobby.

"Thank God, there's another woman. Didn't want to be the only one dealing with all this testosterone! I'm Linda." The woman extended her hand and Jenny shook it. She was about the same height as Jenny with a little more weight and probably about six more years on her. She was a bit more loud and outgoing than Jen was. She had red hair that was cut short.

"Jenny. Nice to meet you." She had to admit, she was also relieved that she wasn't the only woman in class. A couple of guys walked past the two girl and let out a whistle. "How are we supposed to work with these guys if they're not going to respect us?"

Linda smiled. "Don't let the guys get to you, hon." She said quietly to Jen. "Nice butt!" She called out to the winkers. Both of them turned bright red. The two girls started to giggle. "That group of guys are pretty nice. I got here early and was talking with them."

The conversation in the lobby dissipated when a taller gentleman walked in with his blue pressed uniform and shiny medals hanging on his chest. He went around to different groups and introduced himself.

"Wonder who he is?" She pointed to the man. "Wonder if that's the chief. Hope he's not too tough on us." Linda laughed. Jen took a quick peak at the man and her fear was confirmed. It was Uncle Hank. She turned back and tried to think of a way to disappear.

Chief Stanley walked over to the two girls. "Hello. I'm Chief Stanley." He put out his hand and shook Linda's hand first. Jen didn't turn to look at him.

"I'm Linda Popp." She grasped his hand if shook it firmly. She wanted to let him know that she was strong enough to be here.

He gently shook his hand, trying to restore the blood flow. "And you are?" He asked Jen. She turned towards him, her head looking down at his shoes. His shoes sure shined, she thought.

"Unc...err Chief Stanley, I'm Jennifer Desoto." Their eyes locked. She held out her hand to shake and he took a moment, trying to get over himself, before he finally shook his hands. He didn't recognize the woman standing in front of him. His Jenny-Bean would always be his niece. The little girl who he would kiss her boo-boos to make them feel better. The little girl he'd give piggy-back rides. The little girl he throw up into the air and catch her.. Or wear his helmet to the point it covered her eyes.

"Nice to meet you Miss Desoto and Miss Popp. I know it is still pretty new for women to become firefighters, but I want you two to know that my door is always open, if you need any help at all." His eyes still focused on Jen, but her eyesight was focused on the plaque to the left of his head. She couldn't look him in the eyes.

Chief Stanley walked away and entered the class room. Everyone followed behind him. Name cards had been placed in alphabetical order and Jen found herself between Jared Carter, one of the men who whistled at her, and David Dixon. Linda sat a few rows in front of Jen.

It took the class about ten minutes to get seated and quieted down. And at 7:00 to the second, Hank Stanley was ready to go. He stood at the podium grasping the edges, making his knuckles turn white. To him, it was easier going into a building on fire than public speaking. But he'd have to get used to it.

"Hello everyone. I'm Chief Stanley. I apologize now for a somewhat tedious day." Hank looked around the room, but spent more time watching Jen chewing on her pen. He picked up a stack of papers that was on the paper and handed them to the first person in the row in front of him. "The forms are in alphabetical order. Your assigned squadron is on the first page. I'm passing out the forms that need to be filled out along with the daily schedule and what's going to be happening in the following weeks. We're going to be starting the first hour filling out the packet of forms. Then I will introduce the rest of the crew. They will be speaking about the history of firefighting and the LA county fire department. We will then get into your squads and allow you guys...and girls...time to get acquainted with one another through team building exercises. Then you'll get fitted into your turnout gear. We'll meet up again as a group and go over grading, rules, and so on. I'll be quiet now so you can get to work on all the forms."

Jen fingered through the paperwork before she actually started. She could feel the stare of the chief, but she was unable to look up. She began filling out the forms when Jared Carter decided to bother her. "So, Jennifer Lily Desoto." He read from the top of her medical form. "You haven't filled out the phone number part. Think you could give it to me. We could go out get a couple of beers. Maybe I could talk some sense into you about you thinking you can make it in the fire business." Jen ignored him. She grasped her pen even harder now to the point that her fingers ached.

Jen finished up all the paperwork early and decided to read the syllabus of the academy. The first week would be spent going over class room teachings, equipment check, and physical training sessions which will take place just about every day. The next week would be a test on the equipment check then lessons on SCBA, fire behavior, personal protective equipment and power tools. The week after will be about first aid, hose lay, and flashover behavior. Then it will be moved on to knots, rappelling, and ladders. A week of basic first aid, then live fires, extrication techniques. Everything between wildfires to forcible entry to fire checks on commercial buildings. Each week would have a test and each person had to score about an 80% on the first test. If they didn't they would have to take the test again. Another failure lead to academic probation. Another failed test is a swift exit from the academy.

At five til eight, Hank left the room to get the rest of the crew. He saw the six men that would be helping him. Firefighters Marco Lopez, Jeremy Wills, and Justin Holly, Engineer Chet Kelly, Captain John Gage. John Gage was called in as a last minute replacement for Michael Rowlings who broke his foot during a rappelling accident. Hank asked Gage and Roy if one of them could be an instructor while the other worked double shifts. Roy let Gage take the instructor spot after seeing Gage's face light up. "Marco, Chet, and John. I need to speak to you for a second." The group went off to the side of the room. Things got a bit complicated. Jen is one of the students."

The guys gave Hank a questioning look and then looked to each other for an explanation. Chet spoke up. "Cap...Chief. Who are you talking about?"

"Jenny-Bean...Jennifer Desoto. Roy's daughter. You twit! Did any of you know about this?" The guys just shook there heads.

"Chief, are you sure? Roy wouldda told me if Jenny was going to the academy!"

"The more I think about the less I think she told anyone about it. So, now that we know one of the students personally, I must remind you all not to make it any easier on her or to make her special. Alright." The guys just nodded. "Let's go talk fire history."

The group went into the classroom. Jennifer saw a few more uncles and cursed out loud. "Damn!" David and Jared looked at her. Jared got a big smile on his face.

"You just realized it was a mistake not giving me your number, huh. Baby, I'm big on forgiveness, so you can just give me you're number before you leave," Jared said with a smirk on his face.

Jen turned to him. Her heart was racing and her palms were sweating. "Shut up. Just shut up and leave me alone." She could have kicked herself for blanking out at the picnic a few days before. She probably could have had a little bit of warning if she paid attention to the guys talking about how excited they were about heading up the class.

"Alright class. I first want to introduce Station 51 B shift Captain John Gage. He's replacing Michael Rowlings as an instructor. Captain Rowlings is currently recuperating from a leg injury." Jen looked at her top sheet to realize that her squad leader was now Uncle Johnny and that the squads were divided up by last names. She was going to be stuck with Jared Carter for the next twelve weeks.

Hank introduced the rest of the guys to the class and all the guys except for Johnny gave the history on the fire service starting with Benjamin Franklin being the father of firefighting to the newest equipment and everything between.

Next, each squad went outside to do their team bonding. John started with an ice breaker of your name, where are you from, and some of you favorite things from color, music, tv shows, and places. When Jen was about to speak on her favorite color, Jared interrupted by saying "her favorite color is pink."

"Nice guess. It's blue. Just like the sky." She wasn't going to start a word war with him. He wasn't worth her time. But she wished she could've said the same for Linda.

"You jerk. You're supposed to catch me. How can I trust you if you drop me!" Mark was supposed to catch her while Linda fell back. This was going to hurt their trust issues. Linda yelled to Mark Rupp. The guy she said had a nice butt. Marco had his hands full trying to calm Linda down. Hank stepped over to set things straight with Mark.

After Hank realized there was enough bonding for one day, he rounded up the the students so they could try on the turnouts, get issued their SCBA equipment, and their locker. After that was done, the group was then lectured on the correct way to address the cadre and captain during the academy, the grading policy, and the dress code.

The class was then dismissed. Jen said her good byes to Linda and the people in her squadron she could tolerate. The cadre were at the opposite end of the building discussing their first day and preparing for the next.

Jen realized during the lecture that she had to clear the air with her uncles. And hopefully prevent them from spilling the beans. She'd especially have to look out for Uncle Johnny. She walked down the hallway and went into the office area. There were seven cubicles scattered around. "Can I help you miss? I'm sorry I don't remember your name."

Firefighter Holly, I'm Jennifer Desoto. I was hoping to speak to Chief Stanley, sir.." She stood up straight.

"Hey Hank. You have a visitor. Miss Jennifer Desoto." Hank came from the back of the room. Marco, John, and Chet came in closer to hear the discussion. He motioned for her to follow him back to his desk in the back corner. He sat down at his desk and motioned for her to sit down in front of his desk. She was starting to get nervous because Hank had not said anything to her.

She sat down and opened her mouth. Then shut it. She didn't know where to start. "Chief Stanley..." God, how she hated being so impersonal with the man who saw her butt naked when she was child during her "I hate diapers" phase. He just looked at her while she concentrated on picking her cuticles. She closed her eyes and took a big breath. "I couldn't face my dad. I couldn't tell him that I wanted to do a job where he saw a few of his friends die, especially not after Roger Whitney."

"So, Roy doesn't know anything? What does he think you're doing?"

"Dad thinks I'm in school getting a head start on nursing classes. I'd like it to stay that way. So, please don't tell him about this. And that includes you guys as well." Marco, Chet, and John stepped out from behind the thin wall.

"He's going to find out eventually Jenny." Hank said. The guys were quiet, trying to take a cue from the chief.

"I don't want him to know until after I graduate. It's no secret he doesn't want me to join and I don't want to risk him talking me out of it. Please, don't tell him."

Hank took a few seconds to think. He knew that he would do everything in his power to stop Jen. There were countless nights where Hank counseled Roy after Roger Whitney's death. And many times it ended with not being able to protect someone's son. And how he was worried that he would not be able to protect his own children. Hank wouldn't even now how to tell Roy that his baby girl was going into a dangerous field of work.

"I won't say anything to him, but I wish you would."

A/N: Sorry for the slow update. Things should hopefully pick up after my finals week and time to kill on road trips to football games. I would love it if you left a little review. Comments, criticisms, thumbs up or down, are all appreciated. Have a great day everyone!


	4. Chapter 4 4 Weeks

A Month Later

"I'm going to shoot him! I'm just going to wring his neck." Linda was yelling in the ice cream parlor about what she was going to do to Mark Rupp. She kept her hands moving in anger but still somehow managed to keep her ice cream attached to her ice cream cone. "Do you know I just got rid of the bruise he left on me when he dropped me in that trust exercise. That jerk. And then last week, you know when we we had to lay hose? He lifted the hose just as I was walking over it. Nearly broke my wrists trying to catch myself. I ended up scratching my palms. And don't forget about the playboys in our lockers! I know he was a part of it and I bet Jared was too. That's low."

"Hopefully, once we prove ourselves and graduate things will get easier." Jen naively thought. She sat down across from Linda in the corner of the parlor. They were waiting for David Dixon and Jen''s older brother, Chris. David was the only guy in her squad that would give her the time of day and treated her like she was actually a human being. Linda hadn't made any friends in her squad. David was the only one out of their two squads who was willing to spend a Saturday afternoon to go over the first aid information.

"Hon, I love you girl. You're sweet, but come on. Do you really believe that the guys are going to be accepting of us feminist rebels?" Jen was looking into her banana split, thinking about what Linda had said. She didn't care about being a feminist rebel. She just wanted to be half the paramedic her father and Uncle Johnny were. She realized that it would get worse with the old timers. She was lucky that it was only a few guys that were picking on her and not more. She never really realized until that moment that this was a big deal for a woman to join the department.

Her mind shifted from questioning how the guys were going to treat her to asking herself if it was really worth all this hard work to be working with people who would probably make her life miserable. She saw the bond formed between her father and her uncles and she wanted that acceptance and friendship, but she realized she probably wouldn't get it.

"Hi Jenny. Linda. How are you guys...er...all doing today?" David came over holding a vanilla ice cream in one hand and his stethoscope, blood pressure cuff, and penlight in the other. Jenny realized that physically he looked like Johnny. He was tan, tall, and lanky, but still good looking. He had short dark hair and brown eyes. However, unlike Johnny, he reminded her of Mike Stoker as being silent and shy. He slid in the booth next to Linda.

"I'm doing better now that I get a two day break from Mark. I'm afraid of what he's going to do next week with extrication. He'll be chasing me around with God knows what tool. I'm telling you, I'm just going to strangle..."

Jen was glad that she had Linda for support, but sometimes she complained too much. And she was feisty and a bit too loud. "We're good. My brother should be getting here soon. He's coming straight from the hospital."

David just nodded. "So, what was I saying about Mark? Oh he's..." Linda started. David wasn't listening and neither was Jen. During Linda's rant, David would try to steal a couple of glances at Jen. He liked her strong attitude but wasn't overly confident or cocky. He liked her naivety, it was refreshing to the Los Angeles pessimism.

Linda was still talking until Jen interrupted her when her brother came over. "Linda, David. This is my brother Chris." They all shook hands and made their greetings. He sat down next to his sister and the rest of the group. They talked about how the academy was going before they took out their equipment.

Jen pulled out her pink stethoscope her dad bought her for her supposed nursing class out of her purse. It matched her pink blood pressure cuff. She remembered the first day of class where they talked about the first aid equipment and dealing with Jared making comments about the bright pink color blinding him.

"Girl, you got to ditch the pink and get a manlier color. Like black or at the very a dark blue. You're going to give us women a hard time with that pink girly equipment." She held up her own black stethoscope and blood pressure cuff.

She looked down at her equipment with a frown. Was she too girly for this profession? She thought she was going to go through the academy and everything would be alright. The toughest thing about the academy would be the tests. She never thought about the other recruits. "You know what? I like my pink stethoscope and bp cuff. And it's special to me. My dad got it for me and I'm going to keep it."

Linda shut up and raised her eyebrow. She'd never heard the girl stand up for herself. She smiled. "Well, she has a backbone after all!"

Jen didn't know how to take it. She had mixed emotions of anger and pride. She did have a backbone and she needed to stand up for herself. Especially with the guys. She said anything back. David looked around, feeling a little awkward. It took a few minutes for the group to refocus and to start going over the real reason they were there which was to study basic first aid. The four of them went over blood pressure readings, what different pupils sizes meant, and stethoscope placement.

Linda looked at her watch and realized it was a little past five o' clock. "I'm going to be late for my date." Jen was a little hurt. Linda was supposed to be her friend and she didn't even tell Jen that she was dating someone.

"What's this guy like?" Jen asked.

"He's the biggest ass I've ever meet. I'm either going to get him to accept me or maybe I'll just poison his drink. I still can't believe I agreed to see Mark. What was I thinking?"

Jen couldn't believe what Linda had said. This woman who spent a good twenty minutes talking to herself about what a pain Mark was and her she was going out with him. David got out of the booth so that Linda could get out. Chris stood up as well.

"Hey sis. I think I'm going to go too. I'm tired. Want me to walk you to your car?" He asked Linda. She grabbed his arm and half drug him to the door. "Nice to meet you David. See you around!" He yelled out over his shoulder. David sat down across from

"You're brother seems nice," David said, trying to come up with something to talk about. He started to fidget with his fingers.

"He's only nice when he's around people outside of our family!" She laughed and he smiled. "Really, he's great, just don't let him know I said that. He's really my only support I have in the academy." A frown crossed her face thinking about the secret she was keeping from her parents.

"You're parents don't approve of you in the academy?"

"They don't even know I'm in the academy to begin with. My father is a fire captain who lost one of his crew members. I don't know if he could take it if he knew I was going through the academy. And it doesn't help that his best friends make up half the cadre." She really didn't want to go through all the details with David, even though she liked him. She was just afraid that she'd scare him away with all her drama. "What about you? What made you chose to be LA county's best?" She smiled.

He was a little hesitant talking about himself. He wanted to know a bit more about her situation. "Well, I graduated from UCLA with a business degree just like my dad. I went into business with him. Then I realized that I hated my job and major and I saw the recruiting poster and realized I want to help people. My parents, unfortunately, didn't think it was a great idea.. They're not too happy about it." He chuckled. That was putting it lightly. He remembered his father yelling at him and his mother crying. He shortly moved out of the house and had yet to talk to them since then.

The two sat there for another hour just talking about random things from their likes and dislikes to what they thought about the academy so far. He loosened up easily enough after a few minutes and they ended up having a good time.

Jenny decided to take go for a long drive to clear her mind. She was thinking about the bonfire at Johnny's ranch the next day. Every month the original crew of station 51 shift A would get together. This month was Johnny's turn. She drove around town, the anxiety getting to her. It had been easy for Johnny to keep it a secret for so long, because John rarely talked to Roy during the academy, except to see how his crew was and how they were behaving. She was worried that a long time together would mean a slip up by Johnny.

She didn't realize that she had driven across town to Johnny's place. She parked out in front of his place debating whether or not to stop by. Maybe discuss why she was keeping a secret. She started the car back up and was ready to pull away when she saw Johnny yelling for her. He pulled out his lawnmower and rolled it over to the side of the house and came over to the car.

"Well, Miss Desoto, how are you doing this lovely day?" He hadn't talked to her outside of the academy in the past four weeks. She parked her car and got out. She was breaking the rules by meeting with a member of the cadre outside of the academy.

"Uncle Johnny, we should talk." She gently shut her door slowly. She made her way around her car and he met her in front of her car.

He placed his arm around his shoulder and smiled. "Come on Jenny-Bean. I've got ice tea in the fridge and ice cream in the freezer." He guided her to the front door and ushered her in like a perfect hostess.

"Thanks, but no ice cream today. I just came back from the ice cream parlor across town." She sat down on the comfy couch looking at the Indian artifacts hanging on the wall and sitting on the mantle. She didn't know what she was doing here.

Johnny carried in two glasses of ice tea and set one down on the coffee table in front of Jenny. He sat in his recliner and set his own drink on the end table next to his chair. "So, Jenny, what's on your mind?"

She paused as she contemplated what she was going to say and how she was going to say it. She decided to just spill the beans. "I'm sorry. I know I'm putting you between a rock and a hard place with you keeping a secret from Dad. I know what happened between Chris and him. Dad talked him out of joining the academy four years ago. I thought I knew how hard the academy was going to be, but I didn't even think about the guys not accepting me. You don't know how much I wanted this. To be a paramedic." Johnny smiled at the memory of Jenny bandaging various items with old bed sheets-from baby dolls, to stuffed animals, to Uncle Johnny at times. "But I know that if dad looks me in the eyes, I'm going to give up. I see the sadness and pain. I need to prove to myself that I can do this, but I think that he might be able to stop me. I will tell him after graduation. I promise."

"Do you realize the position that you put us in. You may get hurt in the academy and then what. Firefighting is all about facing your fears. Each one of us are afraid that we are going to get hurt doing this job but we go ahead and face our fears. I won't tell him but I think you should." The two were silent while Johnny hoped his advice sunk in.

Johnny then realized her point. He closed his eyes thinking back to shortly after Roger Whitney's funeral. Roger Whitney was a hard worker and he seemed to be a nice guy through the short interactions between his shift and Johnny's shift.

-FLASHBACK-

Roy looked at Roger's family dressed in black, crying over their son. The preacher's voice was drowned out by the two crying. The father trying to comfort his wife while holding back his own tears, but he couldn't last long. Roy stood between Hank and John. All three were in their blue Class A uniform. The uniform that was worn at graduation, award ceremonies, and also funerals. Roy's wife sat in the back of the crowd next to Emily Stanley.

After the funeral, Johnny went to Roy. Hank and Johnny talked the day before about their worries about Roy. He became withdrawn. The three firefighters joined together. "Hank why don't you take Joanne home. Roy, why don't you come over to my place and we talk."

Roy only nodded his hand. Hank gathered his wife and Joanne and walked them to the car. Roy went with John to his Jeep Honcho.

The only sound in the truck was the radio. It was not until Roy sat down on the same couch where Jenny was now seated before he opened up.

"I can't believe Roger's gone. Damn it, I'm a God-Damned captain. It's my responsibility to protect my firefighters." He quickly got up from the couch and started to pace in the living room. "He died under my watch. And his parents. Jesus, Johnny. I let their son die."

"Roy, death is a risk we take every day. It was a freak accident. It's not your fault. You can't blame yourself." Roy stood at the mantle picking up a picture of Johnny, Roy, Joanne, Chris, and Jenny at one of the family picnics. He fingered his children's faces. His tears coursed down his cheek and landed on the pictured. Johnny came up to him and placed his hand on his shoulder.

Roy took a deep breath. "I just keep thinking about his parents the entire time. I can't imagine losing a child."

A/N: Again please review (pretty please with sugar on top).


	5. Chapter 5 Family

The Next Day

Getting up at 05:00 during the week made Jenny's weekends suffer because her internal clock would not let her sleep in. She had a good three hours to kill before anyone else woke up and then another three hours before the family would leave for John Gage's picnic. She decided to study for an hour and a half then go for a jog. The didn't realize how difficult the physical fitness aspect was going to be until she was put through the hell of push ups, pull ups, and multiple mile jogs. But she was proud of herself from going from no pushups to fifteen, even if Jared would would go on about how he could do twice as many as she could. He also called her twig after she had dropped some weight.

She was studying for her next test which was the basic first aid and extrication techniques which was going to be on Friday. She couldn't wait for tomorrow, when they were going to go over vehicle extrication and basic first aid. It was going to be a small taste of what she was going to be doing in the future.

At 06:30 she changed into shorts and a tank top and decided to go for a run. She needed the run so that she could clear her head. It was the first time that her instructors/extended family would be in the same place. The picnic provided the greatest chance of a slip up. It didn't help that there were five people that knew her secret and one of them had to be Uncle Johnny. She knew that it was him that she had to babysit.

She returned home at 07:15 after jogging a good four miles. She didn't come to up with any good way to keep everyone except by following her father around and quickly changing subjects if there was a slip up. She hopped into the shower and then changed into a pair of acid washed jeans and an oversize teal shirt. She pulled her hair up into side ponytail after she blow dried it.

She walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. The aroma of eggs and bacon wafted in the air. She was glad to see her father sitting at the table with his cup of coffee on his right side and the newspaper in his hand. It was a relief to see him in the mornings because that meant that he left work in one piece.

"Good morning sweetheart." Jen's mother called out above the sizzling bacon.

"Morning Mom. Morning Dad." She got out a glass from the top of the cabinet and went to the refrigerator so she could pour some orange juice. She sat down across from her father. His paper fell down to the paper. He yawned while try to get words out of his mouth. She couldn't believe the bags under his eyes. "Geez Dad, are you okay?"

He yawned once again. "Yes I am, my Jenny-bean. It 's just picking up Johnny's days have been a little rough. But it will only be for another couple of months. And Johnny's having fun, I hope." He tried to give her a convincing smile but she knew better. "So, tell me about your classes. How's the semester going? Straight A's?"

She tried to think of a way to change the subject. It hit her. Her father wasn't much of a classical reader. He wasn't much a reader period. "The nursing classes are just working on first-aid so far. And then I'm really enjoying my English classes. We're studying Shakespeare now then we're going to be reading Moby Dick. It's a lot of reading and writing and studying. But so far, I'm getting an A in classes." The last part was true. She spent so much time studying that she was scoring tops on the written tests.

"That's great, honey," commented her mother. Her mother carried two plates over to the table and set one down in front of her husband and Jen.

Her brother came down wearing his night clothes, which was just red gym shorts with white trim and a white mickey mouse shirt. He sat down next to his sister and started grabbed a piece of her bacon. She gave him a dirty look and elbowed him in the gut. When Joanne put down a plate in front of Chris, Jen grabbed his bacon.

"Wow, dad. How much sleep have you been getting!" Chris commented. His father sat in silence. It was too early and he was too tired to go over the conversation once again.

"Dad, maybe you should stay home and get some sleep. Don't you have to cover Uncle Johnny's shift tomorrow," Jen offered. She had her fingers crossed under the table hopping her father would take her advice.

Roy took a few seconds to think about it. Laying in his comfy bed under the sheets was very tempting. He shook his head. "I'll take a nap before and after the picnic. I haven't talked to Johnny since...hmm, when was the last time I talked to him? He called last week for a quick update on his crew and that was it. Plus I'm sure he's got stories from the academy to tell me. And I'm curious to hear about the female recruits."

"Me too," Chris said. He hadn't talked to Jen for awhile since she had started the academy and he started working at the hospital. The rest of breakfast conversation mainly focused on how well the Dodgers were doing and whether or not they could win the world series.

After breakfast, Jen and Joanne helped cut up fruit for the fruit salad they were making while Roy was taking his nap and Chris was outside washing his car. Once Jen and Joanne finished making the fruit salad, Jen decided to go outside and help out her brother.

Jen was barely outside before her brother sprayed her with the hose. She was secretly grateful for the water because it was so hot outside. "Maybe you should be the one in charge of the hose, since you'll be a hose jockey in eight more weeks." Chris then stuck out his tongue.

Jen smiled. She realized that she was a third of the way done with the academy. It was a difficult month and it will be a rough two more months but it would be all worth it. "So, I think Linda likes you." Jen said to changing the topic in case a neighbor, her mother, or her father, would come out. She was starting to get too paranoid about her secret coming out.

"She seems too attached to this Mike or Mark or whatever his name is. She's cute though. But she kept on cursing that dude out. She went on and on about the stuff he does to her in class. Do they pick on you as much as they pick on her?"

Jen had to laugh as she thought back to the antics Jared had pulled. "Yeah." She paused a moment thinking about her squad and Linda's squad. "I'm lucky though. I've got David in my squad. He's the only one who doesn't treat me like I have the plague or leprosy."

"David, the one that was at the ice cream parlor?" He looked up from drying off the car and saw Jen nod her head. "He seems like a cool dude."

"Yeah, he is." She grabbed a towel and started drying the wheels. She looked down at the ground. "Chris, thanks for the support. I don't know what I would do without you and David always being there to back me up."

Chris smiled. "You missed a spot." Chris said coming up behind his sister. Jen knew that Chris wasn't one for displaying emotions or saying things from the heart. She looked up and noticed his smile and took it as a promise that he'd always be there to support her for anything she puts her mind to.

A/N: Please review. I love to hear constructive criticism. And those who think it knows where this is going, you know more than I do. I'm not yet sure what ending I will give...maybe I will write a couple endings. Who knows.


	6. Chapter 6 The Picnic

It was another hot day for the picnic at John's place. The smell of hamburgers and hot dogs wafted in the air. People mingled around holding beer bottles and talking about recent bad calls or talking about important news about other stations. The original crew, except for Marco, all hung around the grill where John was trying to be an expert chef.

"That one's a little black buddy. No one's going to want it. You should have the master cook." Chet stuck out his chest while he pointed to a black and crusty hot dog.

John stared at the hot dog, trying to think of a comeback. "I liked darker dogs. And the master is cooking."

"Looks like the master already cooked." Mike quipped as he pointed to Mama Lopez carrying a tray of enchiladas. Marco walked next to her carrying another tray.

"Now I don't have to eat your burnt meat." Chet said as he ran over to Mama Lopez and taking the tray out of her hands and then he carefully took it over to the picnic table, where a wide array of food was already set out. Everyone but John went over and gave her a hug. Captain Stanley was the first one back.

"Jen still hasn't talked to Roy. She came over yesterday to talk. I've got to admit, I can see why she doesn't want to tell him. He was a wreck after Roger's death. This will serve as an everyday reminder," John whispered. He looked over he shoulder relieved to see Roy was still over talking to Mama Lopez and the rest of the group.

"Roy is going to find out eventually. And it's going to be turned around against us." Hank finally said what everyone had been thinking.

John stared at the next burning hot dog lost in thought. "I know he's going to be upset. But it's Jen's responsibility to tell him. I just want to be cadre and not overstepping my boundaries."

"I wish it was that easy. But it goes beyond just teaching her techniques and rules. Roy is family and deserves to know."

"Mama Lopez's enchiladas smell great. I can't wait to eat!" Roy said. Besides his breakfast, he hadn't eaten a thing except for sneaking in a few pieces of fruit from the fruit salad until Joanne yelled at him. John looked at his food and realized he had lost his appetite.

Roy helped take over the tray of meat after John put all the hot dogs and hamburgers on it. He put it on the table and took a seat next to his wife and across from his kids. Marco, Mike, and Chet sat at the other picnic table with a few guys that were retired from Station 10, John's first station. The current guys from 51s A and B shift were spread out with their families on blankets placed all over the backyard.

"So, how's the academy life? Are the girls any good? Did they even stick it out?" Roy asked. His only experience was with Karen, the part time paramedic trainee who saved his life and then quickly washed out of the program. She ended up becoming an emergency room nurse in San Jose.

Jen became wide-eyed staring at Johnny. Her face started to get red. She closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing.

"Jen's doing a great job. She'll make a great paramedic." Hank said. Everyone turned to Hank. Roy looked at his daughter.

Chris cleared his throat. "That's cool she's got the same name as you," Chris said trying to keep his sister's secret. She kept looking away trying to not meet his gaze.

"She's been getting A's on most of her tests. She really wants to be a great paramedic. Knows all about the history of the program and looks up to you. Told me she wants to be half the paramedic as you were." John quickly cut in. Hank gave him a stern look to show his dissatisfaction of the lies they were making.

"With a teacher like you she will be a great fire fighter/paramedic, junior." Roy gave a chuckle. "I almost thought they were talking about you Jenny. I'm so proud of you getting a head start on your nursing classes."

Jen forced a laugh. "What a coincidence about the name! So, how are all the other recruits doing? Does it seem to be a good class?" She wanted to take them away from the topic of the women in the class, especially herself. She couldn't believe that it was Hank she'd have to watch out for and not John.

Jen put her hands under the table picking her cuticles. It was her nervous habit. Hank could only stare at her and John. John decided to take over speaking. "The class is pretty good. There's a few recruits on academic probation. But my squad is awesome. Jen's in my squad. She works harder than most men in the academy."

"I just hope she doesn't over do it like Karen did. Always trying hard because she was a woman and carrying that chip around on her shoulder," Roy added.

"Linda reminds me of Karen. But Jen, she's doing it for the right reasons." John said giving Jen a wink.

It was then that Mama Lopez stopped by the table on her way to the desert spread. "Oh my. Jenny you are getting muy pequeno. Eat, eat. You are starting to look like Johnny, all bones!" Mama Lopez took off and came back with a plate full of a slice of apple pie, cookies, pudding, and fruit salad. She placed it in front of Jen. "Here eat this and get some more enchiladas. You need some meat on your bones!" Mama Lopez then went back over to the table.

Jen felt awkward about the incident but was relieved for the change of subject. "Johnny, you should probably have a couple of more helpings of enchiladas before Mama Lopez makes up a plate." Joanne said. He grabbed the spoon and added more enchilada to his plate. His pushed the disgusting burnt hot dog of to the side.

Roy then told John and Hank about the recent fires that had taken place during Station 51's A and B shifts. Roy would take the occasional glances at his daughter. She was loosing weight rapidly. He hated himself for not noticing sooner. It was true that he had been a shell of himself recently with taking on another shift but the overtime would go a long way in paying for Jen and Chris's tuition. But he realized that maybe he hadn't been paying too much attention to Jen's health. And that was more important than money.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate them.


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